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! Как правильно смеяться
1. Шутим про все! Но шутка должна быть смешной, без мата, без пошлости.
2. Километровые тексты не приветствуются. Помни, что кратк - сест тал!
3. Внимательно следим за тем, чтобы посты отправлялись в соответствующие темы - модератор тоже человек, ему спать хочется.
4. (Подражая Многошуму) Не укради хохмы ближнего твоего! То есть, соблюдаем копирайты.
5. Уходя, не забудь вернуться! И принести чего-нибудь вкусного.
6. (нужное вписать)

Компиляция правил раздела для сурьёзных людей:
Шутить без мата, по теме, по возможности ставить копирайты.
Модераторы: vk
Страницы: (39) [1] 2 3 ...  38 39  ( Перейти к последнему сообщению )  
> Funs, english only!
    The history of programming languages

    History of the BASIC family of languages

    1964 – A pair of instructors at Dartmouth College decide they have a group of students too lazy to learn FORTRAN. They produce a new language with only 26 variable names, so that even a lazy programmer can keep track of them.

    1966 – The creators of BASIC decide it will never have any commercial application since students too lazy to learn FORTRAN can’t possibly write anything of value. They place the language in the public domain.

    1973 – Digital Equipment Corporation’s PDP line of computers becomes so popular that even people too lazy to program in FORTRAN start buying them. DEC decides to put a version of BASIC on their machines. Since users too lazy to learn FORTRAN also cannot be expected to understand the concept of “compilation”, the language is interpreted instead of compiled.

    1974 – Star Trek games make up 82% of all programs written in BASIC on DEC time-sharing systems, and consume 99% of available CPU time. Players of the game learn the concept of an infinite loop when the game begins to endlessly repeat “Attempt to break contact. Contact not broken. Klingon attempt to break contact. Contact not broken…”

    1975 – The Altair personal computer is introduced. It is so crippled in memory and processing power that only an extremely simple language can fit on it. Accordingly, various versions of BASIC are ported to the Altair. The first is called TinyBASIC, highlighting the fact that programs can only have a maximum of 27 lines of code.

    1977 – Hobbyists have figured out how to put slightly more memory on the Altair, so new versions of BASIC are needed to suck up the memory. One of them is the first product from a new company called Microsoft, which begins its tradition of copying ideas from other products and then selling a version that requires more memory.

    1979 – Microsoft has produced versions of their BASIC interpreter for dozens of systems. Most of these systems don’t last long enough commercially for anyone to find out if the language works or not, so Microsoft learns their first lesson in the questionable value of quality assurance.

    1981 – IBM introduces the PC. Microsoft’s BASIC interpreter is encoded into ROM for all original IBM PCs. A spelling error results in the command to launch the interpreter becoming “BASICA”.

    1983 – Microsoft produces their first BASIC compiler for the PC. They are so embarrassed about it, they convince IBM to sell it under the IBM brand. The IBM Basic Compiler 1.0 is launched. It allows programs to have a maximum size of 64K, which is enough space for a complete, working Star Trek game to be developed.

    1985 – Seeing the success of Turbo Pascal for the PC, Microsoft continues their tradition of copying ideas, and creates a mouse-driven development environment for their BASIC compiler. IBM is having second thoughts about being associated with the BASIC langauge, so Microsoft has to put this product out under their own brand. They call it QuickBASIC. They label the first version 2.0, since it is the successor to the IBM BASIC Compiler, and since they forgot that no one knows about that but them. Programs now have a 64K program space and a 64K data space, allowing the most impressive Star Trek games yet seen to be written.

    1987 – Microsoft introduces a repackaged version of QuickBASIC called the Professional BASIC Compiler. This is the first known use of the words “Professional” and “BASIC” right next to each other.

    1990 – Alan Cooper begins work on a development environment in which even the screen layout of a Windows-based UI is mouse driven. It’s intended for programmers too lazy to write code to produce a UI. Accordingly, he decides the language used for the product should be a variant of BASIC.

    1991 – Based on Alan Cooper’s work, Visual Basic 1.0 is introduced. Programmers can install it and immediately write beautiful Windows programs that don’t do anything useful, since they can’t get to any standard databases. However, VB 1.0 does allow the first graphical Star Trek game to be written.

    1991 – PowerBuilder 1.0 is released. It supposedly includes a BASIC language for back-end development. Since it takes two months of training and a magic wand to make the product produce a “Hello World” example, very few developers ever manage to use the language for anything besides simple data access.

    1992 – Visual Basic 2.0 is introduced. It still allows no database access, so business programmers continue to ignore it in favor of PowerBuilder.

    1993 – Visual Basic 3.0 is introduced, with the addition of built-in capabilities to get to relational databases. Visual Basic can finally do something useful.

    1994 – Visual Basic passes PowerBuilder as the tool of choice for Windows data programming. Many PowerBuilder developers accidentally break their magic wands in disgust.

    Visual Basic developers invent a new way of developing applications that completely bypasses requirements gathering, based on the principle that “if you don’t care where you’re going, you don’t need a map”. They listen to a user for an hour, then do a bunch of drag and drop screens, then see if it’s what the user wants, and then do the same cycle over and over again until either (1) the user finally says “It’s not what I want, but I’m sick of working with you on it, so I’ll take it.”, or (2) the user runs out of money and the project is abandoned.

    1995 – Visual Basic 4.0 is introduced. It includes object capabilities, if you define “object capabilities” to mean “something sort of like object capabilities, but not really”. This version also makes Visual Basic totally dependent on COM, ushering in the era of “Hello, World” programs that take four diskettes to install.

    1996 – Visual Basic 5.0 is introduced. The “Hello, World” install increases to five diskettes.

    1998 – Visual Basic 6.0 is introduced. Realizing the importance of the Internet, a new feature called WebClasses is introduced. The less said about that, the better.

    1999 – Visual Basic passes COBOL as the language with the most total lines of code written. Unfortunately, half of that code is never executed because it’s left over from previous cycles of prototyping, but the programmer is not sure that’s true and so is afraid to remove it.

    1999 – Microsoft decides to make Visual Basic a true object oriented language. Really. They’re serious this time. However, such a monumental change requires the VB runtime to be totally rewritten. As a gesture of benevolence, Microsoft allows other languages to also use the new VB runtime, which is eventually christened the Common Language Runtime, or CLR.

    2000 – Microsoft publicly announces Visual Basic .NET. As a sop to their internal programmers who have been writing in C all their life, they also announce a version of VB.NET that uses C-like syntax and has a crippled editor. It is named C#.

    2002 – Visual Basic .NET is released. Classic VB users’ favorite feature is that Option Explicit is now set to On by default, the way it should have been 6 versions ago.

    2005 – Microsoft releases Visual Basic 2005, which contains a wizard to generate code for a fully functional Star Trek game.

    History of the C family of languages

    1972 — The precursor to C, the language B, is developed at Bell Labs. The B language is fast, easy to maintain, and useful for all kinds of development from systems to applications. The entire team that designed the language is immediately fired for behavior unbefitting a telephone company employee, and the project is handed to Dennis Ritchie. He alters the language to be incomprehensible, difficult to maintain, and only useful for systems development. He also designs in a pointer system guaranteed to give every program over 500 lines a pointer into the operating system.

    1982 – It is discovered that 97% of all C routine calls are subject to buffer overrun exploits. C programmers begin to realize that initializing a variable to whatever happens to be lying around in memory is not necessarily a good idea. However, since enforcing sensible variable initialization would break 97% of all C programs in existence, nothing is done about it.

    1984 – The number of operating systems bad pointers can get to has been dramatically increased.

    1985 – A variant of C with object oriented capabilities, called C With Classes, is ready to go commercial. However, the name C With Classes is considered too clear and easy for outsiders to understand, so the commercial version is called C++.

    1986 – C becomes so popular that industry analysts recommend writing business applications in it. They argue that applications written in C will be portable to many different systems. Many of these industry analysts are suspected of being under the influence of hallucinogens.

    1988 – Industry analysts finally run out of LSD. After their hallucinations fade, they notice that business apps written in C take five times longer to produce, and are still not portable. They stop recommending that business apps be written in C, except for a minority that switch to crack cocaine and start recommending business apps be written in C++ because “object orientation will result in code reuse”.

    1990 – By this time, all C compilers have turned into C++ compilers. But, since most C++ programs do not use any of the object oriented features of the language, this means in practical terms that bloated code structures with pointers into the operating system are now being compiled with an object-oriented compiler.

    1990 – After hiring some industry analysts that switched from crack to sniffing glue, Sun decides to create a language called Oak to program set-top television boxes. Since all their programmers have had stilted C syntax imprinted into their DNA by this time, the new language borrows heavily from C and C++ syntax. However the set-top boxes don’t have an operating system for bad pointers to get to, so pointers are eliminated from the language.

    1994 – Someone at Sun finally realizes what a stupid idea it was to develop a special language just for set-top television boxes. The language is renamed Java and repositioned as an “Internet” language that is supposed to be portable to many platforms. This works well as a marketing campaign, since less than 3% of people in the industry at this time realize what the Internet is, and since hallucinating industry analysts continue to be suckers for the mythical idea of "portability to different platforms".

    1995 — Sun offers free psychedelic mushrooms to industry analysts, who immediately start writing articles about how Java is the future of programming because of its portability and integration with the Internet.

    Mid 1996 – 17,468,972 articles appear about how Java is the future of programming. The age of Java applets in web pages begins.

    Late 1996 – Programmers trying to produce actual web pages with applets that really work commit mass suicide out of frustration and depression. Industry analysts increase their dosage of hallucinogens to compensate.

    1997 – Taking the advice of hallucinating industry analysts, Corel decides to rewrite all their applications, including WordPerfect, in Java. The end result is the first known word processor that is slower to use than a typewriter.

    1998 – Realizing that the applet thing is fading fast, Sun repositions Java again, this time as a server language. They steal the design of Microsoft Transaction Server and convince everyone to pretend they created the design.

    1999 – Java 2 Enterprise Edition is introduced to the rave reviews of drunk and stoned industry analysts. 21,499,512 articles are written about it, but no one actually uses it because it’s immature and expensive.

    2000 – J2EE finally works, sort of. Just about the time all the Java vendors are ready to start making money on it, Microsoft announces .NET, which includes almost all the features of J2EE except the outrageous cost. In fact, Microsoft decides to give .NET away free for Windows users. Scott McNealy is so outraged he files another irrational lawsuit against Microsoft.

    .NET includes a new C-family language, C#, pronounced “C-pound”, continuing the tradition of languages in this family having stupid names.

    2001 – Microsoft’s marketing department realizes that no one in marketing has ever talked to a live Microsoft product developer. They have lunch with one and discover that the pronunciation is actually supposed to be “C sharp”.

    2002 – C# is introduced as part of the release version of Microsoft .NET. C++ developers on the Microsoft platform rejoice over the concept of “managed code”, which means they finally receive the same automatic memory management features that Visual Basic has had since 1991 and Java has had since 1995.
    Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
    Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

    Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
    Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
      In Japan, they have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with Haiku poetry messages. Haiku poetry has strict construction rules: Each poem has only 17 syllables; 5 syllables in the first, 7 in the second, 5 in the third. They are used to communicate a timeless message, often achieving a wistful, yearning and powerful insight through extreme brevity. Here are 16 actual error messages from Japan. Below, the essence of Zen.

      Your file was so big.
      It might be very useful.
      But now it is gone.

      The Web site you seek
      Cannot be located, but
      Countless more exist.

      Chaos reigns within.
      Reflect, repent, and reboot.
      Order shall return.

      Program aborting:
      Close all that you have worked on.
      You ask far too much.

      First snow, then silence.
      This thousand dollar screen dies
      So beautifully.

      With searching comes loss
      And the presence of absence:
      "My Novel" not found.

      The Tao that is seen
      Is not the true Tao until
      You bring fresh toner.

      Stay the patient course.
      Of little worth is your ire.
      The network is down.

      A crash reduces
      Your expensive computer
      To a simple stone.

      You step in the stream,
      But the water has moved on.
      This page is not here.

      Out of memory.
      We wish to hold the whole sky,
      But we never will.

      Serious error.
      All shortcuts have disappeared.
      Screen. Mind. Both are blank....
      Сообщение отредактировано: --= Eagle =-- -
      Возьму ли крылья зари и переселюсь к самому морю...
        Little Eddy was doing his arithmetic homework. “three plus one, the son of a bitch, is for,” he was saying. “three plus two, the son of a bitch , is five. Three plus three, the son of a bitch, is six.” And so on.
        Eddy’s mom was horrified when she overheard him. The next day she went to see what kind of arithmetic his was teaching.
        “I don’t quite understand where Eddy has picked this language up,” said the teacher. “I simple teach the children to say: three plus one, the sum of which is four; three plus two, the sum of which is five.”


        Поехала недавно кататься на лыжах и дочку с собой взяла. Подняла в гондоле на гору и сдала в дэйкеру (от английского daycare), чтобы за ней там приглядели и на лыжах стоять поучили. Накатавшись, спускаюсь к детскому склону и вижу – тренировка в самом разгаре. Ребятишки, похожие на пингвинят из-за шлемов и непромокаемых рукавиц, шустро скатываются с горки, затем цепляются за перекладинки подъемника, который втаскивает их наверх, и опять летят вниз. Кое-кто уже умеет внизу разворачиваться, а остальные — падают, поднимаются и шагают к подъемнику лесенкой. Маша моя и тут умудрилась приспособиться. Вместо того, чтобы в конце спуска притормозить, она с разгону влетает на ограждающий бруствер, врезается в сугроб мягкого снега, специально насыпанный вдоль деревянной стенки, отделяющей детский спуск от взрослой трассы, садится на попу, разворачивается на 180 градусов и скатывается с бруствера поямо к началу подъемника, избежав, тем самым, утомительного шагания лесенкой. Я, убедившись, что с моим чадом все в порядке и мысленно поаплодировав Машкиной находчивости, удалилась пить кофе. Посидела в шезлонге, отдохнула и, оставив лыжи в стойке, почопала этакой «лунной походкой» еще раз полюбоваться на свою красавицу. Подошла поближе и спрашиваю у девушки-тренера, мол, как моя девочка, кататься будет? — Задатки есть, баланс хороший, будете с ней работать – толк выйдет. Но только, пожалуйста, отучите ее от бранных слов, а то она другим детям плохой пример подает. Мои глаза чуть не вылезли на лоб от изумления: — Моя дочка... бранных... слов... не знает! — Не верите? Смотрите сами! В это время раскрасневшаяся и счастливая Машка скатывается с горы с уже отработанной лихостью, взлетает на бруствер, и в момент ее приземления в сугроб на всю округу раздается звонкое: — Sh-h-i-i-i-t-t!!!! Я не верю своим ушам, а девушка-тренер осуждающе качает головой: — И так — каждый раз, каждый раз! Мое лицо вспыхивает праведным негодованием, а правая рука немедленно наливается свинцовой тяжестью и желанием шлепнуть по многострадальной Машкиной попе. Сурово сдвинув брови, направляюсь в сторону так опозорившего меня ребенка. Ребенок же, развернувшись и вскочив на ноги, уже скатывается ко мне, восторженно крича на ходу: — Мамочка, научи меня поворачивать, а то я все время в этот ЩИТ въезжаю! Поднимаю глаза и вижу, что деревянная стена заканчивается здоровенным рекламным фанерным щитом.
        Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
        Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

        Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
        Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
          Приглашаем Вас и сотрудников Вашей организации на
          "Углубленный курс программирования в среде разработки Атлантис"
          В программе курса:
          * Использование механизма «Drug’n’Drop»;
          Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
          Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

          Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
          Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
            Вумудщзук! Тумук екгые ещ гыук иуащку еру дуфлы фкутэе мукшашув!
            Сообщение отредактировано: --= Eagle =-- -
            Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
            Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

            Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
            Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
              Vesper, возможно... Мой английский не на том уровне - в школе только французский учили...

              Many students, and other young people, have little in the way of cooking skills but can usually get their hands on a couple of mobile phones. So, this week, we show you how to use two mobile phones to cook an egg which will make a change from phoning out for a pizza. Please note that this will not work with cordless phones.

              To do this you will need two mobile phones -they do not have to be on the same network but you will need to know the number of one of them. The only other items you will need are:

              An egg cup, (make sure that the egg cup is made of an insulating material such as China, wood or glass — plastic will do. DO NOT use stainless steel or other metal).

              A radio, AM or FM — you can also use your hifi.

              A table or other flat surface on which to place the phones and egg cup. You can place the radio anywhere in the room but you might as well put it on the table

              How To Do It:

              Take an egg from the fridge and place it in the egg cup in the centre of the table.

              Switch on the radio or hifi and turn it up to a comfortable volume.

              Switch on phone A and place it on the table such that the antenna (the pokey thing at the top) is about half an inch from the egg (you may need to experiment to get the relative heights correct — paperbacks are good if you have any — if not you may be able to get some wood off cuts from your local hardware shop).

              Switch on phone B and ring phone A then place phone B on the table in a similar but complementary position to Phone A.

              Answer phone A — you should be able to do this without removing it from the table. If not, don't panic, just return the phone to where you originally placed on the table.

              Phone A will now be talking to Phone B whilst Phone B will be talking to Phone A.

              Cooking time: This very much depends on the power output of your mobile phone. For instance, a pair of mobiles each with 2 Watts of transmitter output will take three minutes to boil a large free range egg. Check your user manual and remember that cooking time will be proportional to the inverse square of the output power for a given distance from egg to phone.

              Cut out these instructions for future reference.

              Note: We cooked our egg during the evening using free local calls, if you were to cook an egg for lunch it would cost $3.00 — not cheap but you do have the convenience.
              Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
              Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

              Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
              Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                How many forum users does it take to change a lightbulb?

                1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed

                14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently

                7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs

                1 to move it to the Lighting section

                2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section

                7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs

                5 to flame the spell checkers

                3 to correct spelling/grammar flames

                6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to condemn those 6 as stupid

                2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"

                15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct

                19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum

                11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum

                36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty

                7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs

                4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's

                3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group

                13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"

                5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy

                4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"

                13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"

                18 who trip over each other in their rush to say "repost!"

                1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
                Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                  "I have been saying for many years that we are using the word ‘guru’ only because ‘charlatan’ is too long to fit into a headline. "
                  Peter Drucker, (quoted in D James, "Peter Drucker, the man who changed the world", Business Review Weekly, 15 September 1997, p.49)
                  Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                  Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                  Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                  Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                    A Canadian is enjoying a hearty breakfast — bacon, eggs, coffee, croissants, toast, butter, jam, etc. when an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and starts an unwanted conversation:

                    American: "You Canadians eat the whole bread?"

                    Canadian: "Of course."

                    American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into croissants and sell them to Canada."

                    Canadian: "Oh Really?"

                    American: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"

                    Canadian: "Of course."

                    American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to Canada."

                    Canadian: "Do you have sex in America?"

                    American: "Of course we do."

                    Canadian: "And what do you do with the condoms?"

                    American: "Throw them away of course."

                    Canadian: "We don't. We pack them into containers, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell it to America."

                    З.Ы. Походу, это первоисточник этого анекдота...
                    Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                    Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                    Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                    Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                      Equations Of Life
                      (funny and quite true )

                      Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance
                      Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
                      Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
                      Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

                      Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
                      Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
                      Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
                      Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

                      A man will pay $1 for a $2 item he needs.
                      A woman will pay $2 for a $1 item she doens't need.

                      A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
                      A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

                      A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
                      A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.

                      To be happy with a man you must understand him alot and love him a little.
                      To be happy with a woman you must love her alot and try not to understand her at all.

                      Married men live longer then single men, but married men are alot more willing to die.

                      Any married men should forget his mistakes, there's no use in 2 people remembering the same thing.

                      Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
                      Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

                      A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
                      A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
                      Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                      Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                      Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                      Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                        Цитата --= Eagle =-- @
                        A man will pay $1 for a $2 item he needs.
                        A woman will pay $2 for a $1 item she doens't need.
                        No-no-no. It should be like this:

                        A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
                        A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.
                          ЗАОЧНИК 2002

                          1. Are you afraid of darkness? — Ты боишься в темноте?
                          2. I doesn't want to stay here. — Я желаю тут гостить.
                          3. Can I have some more tea? — Может у меня есть чай?
                          4. He will be a brilliant specialist. — Он специалист по бриллиантам.
                          5. Some bird species don't fly to the south in winter. — Некоторые птицы улетают на юг, мухам не надо.
                          6. The goods arrived yesterday. — Хорошо было вчера. (Хорошие приехали вчера.)
                          7. May I look through this magazine? — Могу я видеть сквозь этот магазин?
                          8. Must you learn this poem by heart? — Должно быть ты учил эту поэму про сердце.
                          9. I had to do everything myself. — Я должен был сделать во всех направлениях себя.
                          10. Repeat the schoolboy's question again. — Школьники снова повторяют гостям.
                          11. son-in-law — сын закона.
                          12. I have broken my pencil. — У меня есть поломанный карандаш.
                          13. Can I have some more tea? — Я могу попить какой-нибудь чай?
                          14. Has he any questions? — У кого он в гостях?
                          15. The receptionist gave the key to Tom. — Кто был отдан Тому вахтером?
                          16. It cannot be true. — Я не могу быть преданным.
                          17. The doctor will examine you. — Доктор вас рассмотрит.
                          18. How old are your children? — У вас по-старому детей?
                          19. You will be received on Wednesday. — Вы получите в среду.
                          20. I shall give you my passport in a minute. — Вы должны читать эту книгу в оригинале.
                          21. The first atomic power plant was put into operation... — Первая атомная растительная сила была прилжена в операции... (Первый план атома был положен в городе...)
                          22. Is the library far from here? — Библиотека далеко не здесь, является?
                          No, it's round the corner. — Нет, это вокруг.
                          23. Where is the postcard from? — Где открытка из?
                          Who is it to? — Это кто к?
                          24. We are having an English lesson now. — Теперь мы имеем английский урок.
                          25. The State History Museum — Музей Хронологии Состояния
                          26. Radio waves can be used for different pur poses. — Радиоволны могут использоваться для различных поз.
                          27. I hope I shall be able to do it myself. — Я надеюсь, что я буду в состоянии сделать это самое.
                          28. How do you get to the station? — Сколько ты сделал заявлений?
                          29. She went to sleep very late. — Она хочет спать все время.
                          30. People will appreciate your trying to speak their language. — Люди соответствуют умению говорить на родном языке.
                          31. eatable — удобный.
                          32. synthetic rubber products — продукция синтетических рубашек.
                          33. ... positions of bodies in the universe — ... позиции основной части космоса
                          34. ... atomic power generation making impressive progress — силы атома впечатляют поколения своим прогрессом.
                          35. Are you in Almaty? No, we are not. — Вы последнюю неделю в Алматы? Нет, мы не последнюю.
                          36. The passenger shows a boarding-pass to the stewardess. — Пассажиры увидели на борту стюардесс.
                          37. Nobel's original legacy of nine million dollars was invested... — Благородным господином было вложено наследство 9 миллионов.
                          Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                          Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                          Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                          Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                            Senator Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upper New York state.

                            She spoke for almost an hour on her future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living, should she one day become the first female President. She referred to her career as a New York Senator, how she had signed "YES" for every Indian issue that came to her desk for approval.
                            Although the Senator was vague on the details of her plan, she seemed most enthusiastic about her future ideas for helping her "red sisters and brothers".

                            At the conclusion of her speech, the Tribes presented the Senator with a plaque inscribed with her new Indian name - Walking Eagle. The proud Senator then departed in her motorcade, waving to the crowds.

                            A news reporter later inquired to the group of chiefs of how they come to select the new name given to the Senator. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of sh*t that it can no longer fly.
                              It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem. For instance, on the planet Earth, man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much — the wheel, New York, wars and so on — whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man — for precisely the same reasons.
                              Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                              Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                              Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                              Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                                English language simplification agreement

                                The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

                                As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

                                In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

                                There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

                                In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

                                By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

                                During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

                                After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it izi tu understand ich ozer. Ze drim vil finali kum tru.
                                Сообщение отредактировано: --= Eagle =-- -
                                Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                                Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                                Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                                Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
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