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! Как правильно смеяться
1. Шутим про все! Но шутка должна быть смешной, без мата, без пошлости.
2. Километровые тексты не приветствуются. Помни, что кратк - сест тал!
3. Внимательно следим за тем, чтобы посты отправлялись в соответствующие темы - модератор тоже человек, ему спать хочется.
4. (Подражая Многошуму) Не укради хохмы ближнего твоего! То есть, соблюдаем копирайты.
5. Уходя, не забудь вернуться! И принести чего-нибудь вкусного.
6. (нужное вписать)

Компиляция правил раздела для сурьёзных людей:
Шутить без мата, по теме, по возможности ставить копирайты.
Модераторы: vk
Страницы: (38) 1 [2] 3 4 ...  37 38  ( Перейти к последнему сообщению )  
> Funs, english only!
    Думаю это как раз для этого раздела.

    C Song

    When I find my code in tons of trouble,
    Friends and colleagues come to me,
    Speaking words of wisdom:
    Write in C.

    As the deadline fast approaches,
    And bugs are all that I can see,
    Somewhere, someone whispers:
    Write in C.

    Write in C, write in C,
    Write in C, oh, write in C.
    LISP is dead and buried,
    Write in C.

    I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
    For science it worked flawlessly.
    Try using it for graphics!
    Write in C.

    If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
    Debugging some assembly,
    Soon you will be glad to
    Write in C.

    Write in C, write in C,
    Write in C, yeah, write in C.
    Only wimps use BASIC.
    Write in C.

    When I go to fix a project
    That looks promising but works lamely,
    There's only one solution,
    Write in C

    Lame ivy-leaguers know the answers
    Script in scheme, bind functionally
    They suck cheese through their noses,
    Write in C

    Write in C, Write in C
    Write in C, yeah Write in C
    Guile this and I'll kick your teeth in,
    Write in C.

    { Guitar Solo }

    Write in C, write in C,
    Write in C, yeah, write in C.
    Don't even mention COBOL.
    Write in C.

    And when the screen is fuzzy,
    And the editor is bugging me.
    I'm sick of ones and zeros,
    Write in C.

    A thousand people swore that T.P.
    Seven is the one for me.
    I hate the word PROCEDURE,
    Write in C.

    Write in C, write in C,
    Write in C, yeah, write in C.
    PL1 is 80s,
    Write in C.
    Write in C, write in C,

    Write in C, yeah, write in C.
    The government loves ADA,
    Write in C.

    Это сообщение было перенесено сюда или объединено из темы "Маразм программёров"
      * Nearly every software professional has heard the term spaghetti code as a pejorative description for complicated, difficult to understand, and impossible to maintain, software. However, many people may not know the other two elements of the complete Pasta Theory of Software.

      * Lasagna code is used to describe software that has a simple, understandable, and layered structure. Lasagna code, although structured, is unfortunately monolithic and not easy to modify. An attempt to change one layer conceptually simple, is often very difficult in actual practice.

      * The ideal software structure is one having components that are small and loosely coupled; this ideal structure is called ravioli code. In ravioli code, each of the components, or objects, is a package containing some meat or other nourishment for the system; any component can be modified or replaced without significantly affecting other components.
      Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
      Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

      Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
      Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
        Bill Gates died and found himself in purgatory being sized up by St Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something I've never done before, in your case: I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."

        Bill replied, "What's the difference between the two?"

        St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will aid your decision."

        "Fine, but where should I go first?"

        "I'll leave that up to you."

        "Okay then," said Bill. "Let's try Hell first."

        So Bill went to Hell. It was beautiful and clean. Bill saw a sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.

        "This is great!" he told St Peter. "If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven!"

        "Fine," said St Peter, and off they went.

        Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was very nice, but not as enticing as Hell.

        Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision. "Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St Peter.

        "Fine," retorted St Peter, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.

        Two weeks later, St Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill shackled to a wall in a dark cave, screaming amongst hot flames, being burned and tortured by demons.

        "How's everything going?" he asked Bill.

        With his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, Bill responded, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches and the scantily clad women playing in the water?"

        "That was a demo," replied St Peter.
        Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
        Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

        Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
        Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
          STOP THE GENOCIDE!

          Every second billions of innocent assembler instructions are executed all over the world. Inhumanly they are put on a pipeline and executed with no regard to their feelings. The illegal instructions are spared, although they should be executed instead of the legal ones.

          Prior to the execution the instructions are transported to a cache unit using a bus. There they spent their last moments waiting for the execution. Just before the execution the instruction is separated into several pieces. The execution isn't always fast and painless. On crude hardware the execution of a complex instruction can take as long as 150 clock cycles. Scientists are working on shorter execution times.

          Microsoft endorses the needless execution of instructions with their products like DOS(TM), Windows(TM), Word(TM) and Excel(TM). It is more humane to use software which minimises the executions.

          Modern machines use several units to execute multiple instructions simultaneously. This way it is possible to execute several hundred million instructions per second. The time is near when there will be no more instructions to execute.

          ACT NOW! Before it's too late
          Ïðåâåä Ìåäâåä!
            ExpandedWrap disabled
              c++; /* this makes c bigger but returns the old value */
            Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
            Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

            Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
            Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
              Georges W. Bush after Computer Tomography Brain Scanning:
              Bush: What can you say?
              Doctor: Well, your brain is split on two parts...
              Bush: What is wrong with it, everyone's does?
              Doctor: Of course, Mr. President, but the problem is that
              on your left brain, there is nothing right, and
              on your right brain, there is nothing left...
              Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
              Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

              Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
              Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                Three pings for the token rings,
                Five pings for the UNIX machines,
                Hundred pings for the broken links,
                One special ping to check them all
                Through Simple Network Management Protocol!
                Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                  Do not work too hard!

                  Цитата
                  ###WORKER DEAD AT DESK FOR 5 DAYS

                  Bosses of a publishing firm are trying to work out why no one noticed that one of their employees had been sitting dead at his desk for FIVE DAYS before anyone asked if he was feeling okay. George Turklebaum, 51, who had been employed as a proofreader at a New York firm for 30 years, had a heart attack in the open-plan office he shared with 23 other workers. He quietly passed away on Monday, but nobody noticed until Saturday morning when an office cleaner asked why he was still working during the weekend.

                  His boss said: "George was always the first guy in each morning and the last to leave at night, so no one found it unusual that he was in the same position all that time and didn't say anything. He was always absorbed in his work and kept much to himself."

                  A postmortem examination revealed that he had been dead for five days after suffering a coronary. Ironically, George was proofreading manuscripts of medical textbooks when he died. You may want to give your co-workers a nudge occasionally. And the moral of the story: Don't work too hard. Nobody notices anyway.

                  Heard in the Hive #2

                  Это сообщение было перенесено сюда или объединено из темы "Не надрывайтесь на работе!"
                  Сообщение отредактировано: --= Eagle =-- -
                  Мои религиозные убеждения не позволяют мне комментировать код.
                  Моё мировоззренье таково: в программе комментария ни одного!
                    If you love someone - set them free.
                    If they return to you - put several 8 inch blades into their head.
                    If they return again, then RUN... JUST RUN.
                    Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                    Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                    Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                    Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                      user posted image
                      Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                      Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                      Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                      Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                        Реальные переводы реальных переводчиков

                        Can you hear me - Ты можешь меня здесь
                        Undressed custom model - Голая таможенная модель
                        Manicure - Деньги лечат
                        I have been there - У меня там фасоль
                        God only knows - Единственный нос бога
                        We are the champions - Мы шампиньоны
                        Do You feel alright? - Ты справа всех знаешь?
                        Bye bye baby, baby good bye - Купи купи ребенка, ребeнок хорошая покупка
                        To be or not to be? - Пчела или не пчела?
                        I fell in love - Я свалился в любовь.
                        Just in case - Только в портфеле
                        I will never give up - Меня никогда не тошнит
                        Oh dear - Ах олень.
                        I saw my Honey today - Я пилил мой мед сегодня
                        I'm going to make you mine - Я иду копать тебе шахту
                        May God be with you - Майская хорошая пчелка с тобой
                        Finnish people - Конченные люди
                        Bad influence - Плохая простуда
                        Phone seller - Позвони продавцу
                        Good products - Бог на стороне уток
                        Let's have a party - Давайте организуем партию
                        Watch out! - Посмотри снаружи!
                        I know his story well - Я знаю его исторический колодец
                        Let it be! - Давайте жрать пчел!
                        Press space bar to continue - Космический бар прессы продолжает ..
                        Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                        Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                        Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                        Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                          - Как по-английски будет "погладить кошку"?..
                          - Iron cat.
                          Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                          Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                          Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                          Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                            Due to the current financial crysis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tonnel will be switched off to save on electricity until further notice.

                            Sincerely, God
                            Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                            Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                            Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                            Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                              Sometimes "innovation" means "stealing another's secret before anyone else can".
                              Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                              Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                              Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                              Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
                                Цитата
                                Dear Bo$$
                                In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately.
                                I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
                                I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

                                Your$ $incerely,

                                Norman

                                Цитата
                                11/20/2008 9:17:48 PM mic777: Dear NOrman,


                                I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
                                NOw the newspapers are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

                                I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean..

                                Yours truly,
                                David
                                Ще не вмерла Україна, ні слава, ні воля,
                                Ще нам, браття-українці, усміхнеться доля.

                                Згинуть наші воріженьки, як роса на сонці,
                                Запануємо й ми, браття, у своїй сторонці!
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